


if i had another chance to make things right

by orphan_account



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ex Sex, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Or Is he?, actually they weren't really even together, ex stuff, it's an ex's au, ivan is a doctor, mal is douche of epic proportions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-05 14:50:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18830872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Her world has always been shaded in bright colors, Mal's piercing blue, the golden yellow of the sun, and the red of blood. Can Ivan save her from a disastrous marriage?





	1. Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

Alina closed the door to her third story walk up. 

 

When Mal came home he would find that their child and all of their personal belongings were gone. 

 

She was heading upstate to her friend Genya’s house. God, she didn’t want to go. 

 

But Mal had hit her, and thrown little Anastasia down the stairs, breaking her arm. It had been hard to call over the family doctor, Ivan, for a cast and even though she’d begged him to keep quiet he’d reminded her that the first line of the Hippocratic Oath was “first, do no harm.” She was woe to admit it but it would do no good if Mal wasn’t reported. 

 

Which is why she was driving to a tiny town near the Canadian border with Ivan, who was going to take a break from work to help her buy a house and get out from under Mal’s thumb. 

 

She was quite good friends with Ivan, he seemed to understand her misery in a way that not even her best friend, Genya could. Ivan was always good to see, she’d done her undergraduate work with him and had watched him grow from a scrawny teenager to a man with infinite power. Even in the shadows of the car at night she could see his physique. He was tall, easily over six foot, thickly muscled, and had sandy blonde hair and the most unique hazel eyes she’d ever seen. 

 

Anastasia was asleep in the back, it was just past ten at night and it was easily a six-hour drive to where they were going. 

 

“You told NYPD that you were leaving the area?” He asked her 

 

“Yeah, they said they would transfer the case to the state police.” 

 

Ivan nodded and took her hand in his, “You’re going to be ok, you know that right?” 

 

“I just don’t know how I could have misjudged his character as badly as I did.”

 

“It happens, sometimes people change, for the worse.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

 

Ivan squeezed her hand. 

 

She hadn’t told him what had set Mal off though, and she didn’t know if she could. 

 

*~*~*~* 

 

Alina was exhausted. She needed to sleep but Ivan seemed fairly awake. 

 

“I’m going to doze off for a bit… are you alright to look after Ana for a few hours?” 

 

“Of course, don’t worry about it.” 

 

She promptly passed out. 

 

But her dreams were full of… questionable things. 

 

_ A wine glass… a red dress shirt untucked. Mal’s rage… his piercingly blue eyes staring at her.  The sound of male moans and broken glass.  _

 

Needless to say, she woke with a fright. Ivan was in bed with her, they were staying in a hotel and Ivan was helping them, so they shared a bed. 

 

“Are you alright? Did you have nightmares?” Ivan asked. 

 

“I’m- I dreamed about him.” 

 

“Mal?” 

 

“No…” she dropped her voice, “Ana’s father.” 

 

“You never did tell me that story.” 

 

“There’s not much to tell.” 

 

Ivan’s mouth curved into a smirk, “Give me the details.”

 

How was she supposed to? He must know by now. Ana had his hazel eyes, his sandy blonde hair. 

 

“Remember that time, at graduation?” 

 

Ivan flushed, it made him look beautiful, “Yes. I thought I was going to be murdered while I was still inside you.” 

 

“It’s you, Ivan, you’re Ana’s father.” 

 


	2. tell me not to say another lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivan deals with emotions! Alina realizes she can't just walk right back into Ivan's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sexy times? But nothing explicit... yet! This chapter was inspired by @raspberrycoffeecake bc they're a frickin genius! The prompt was “i really want to kiss you right now” “do it then”

Alina was feeling a little rejuvenated. They’d had lunch and Ana was playing at a small park in town.

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

Ivan had been a little glum, he’d been shocked, after all, it had been nearly eight years Alina had been holding onto this secret.

 

“I have a daughter, and you didn’t think I could be trusted to know?”

 

Alina deflated, “It was just my secret, up until two weeks ago.”

 

“Alina, my darling Alina, please tell me what happened between us? Mal caught us and then… and then I didn’t think that we had been too drunk to use protection. But I was crazy about you… and then you fell off the map for a year and resurfaced with a kid and I thought you were happy.”

“I was, I was… until I had a paternity test done. I never felt so lonely in my whole life when I got those test results and there was no one else who could be her father because I’d only ever been with you and Mal… that way.”

 

Ivan took a long sip of his coffee. She suspected it was to keep from saying something.

 

“And then two weeks ago I decided to clean out the office, and I found that paper, and I was going to tell you and Mal found it…”

 

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Ivan’s bicep twitched and it spoke of a strength Mal never had.

 

“No, it won’t do any good.”

 

“Alina, I… care about you. I don’t want to complicate your life further by adding to all the emotions you must be feeling.”

 

She sighed, “I want Ana to know that she has a good man for a father.”

 

Ivan flushed, “Well Mal is the only father she’s ever known and I don’t want her to hate me because I took him away from her.”

 

“I don’t think she’d think that.”

 

“Alina you don’t understand. Children aren’t good with big topics like love and divorce and jail. She’s going to see me as the bad guy.”

 

She sighed and felt like crying, but they were in public and Ana was playing and she didn’t want her to see her mother cry and be held in another man’s arms.

 

“Well,” Alina took a shuddering breath, “I want her to know you, I want to try this even if it’s not going to be perfect.”

 

“Alina…” he gripped her hand and laced their fingers together. Everything about him was so big… she didn’t remember much about the night that had gotten her pregnant just that Ivan had whispered a thousand ‘I love you’s’ in her ear. “I want to make you happy.”

 

Alina sniffled, a stray tear dropped into the wooden bench they were sitting on, “This is making me remember things between us.”

 

Ivan smiled sadly.

 

They had been carrying on an affair for the better part of a year. She wasn’t sure why Mal had been so upset, she was pretty sure he was filling his nights with a pretty raven-haired, blue-eyed woman. Why would he expect her loyalty when he couldn’t even manage his own?

 

The thing was that it wasn’t a physical affair, or at least it wasn’t at first. It had started with small flirtations and love notes. Pairing up in classes for projects and spending lunch hours pouring over textbooks.

 

He had won her heart long before he won her body, which was strange because anyone with a body like Ivan’s and a body like Alina’s made more sense for them to tangle in the sheets before putting their hearts to the test.

 

The first night they had said their I love yous they had merely kissed… it was the most complete she’d ever felt. Ivan had always known he was the other man, Alina made it no secret she was with Mal.

 

Ivan squeezed her hand and broke her from her daydream, “I think it’s going to rain.”

 

Sure enough, the sky started trickling water down on them, and Alina went to help Ana pack her toys and Ivan looked on with pain in his eyes. He coughed to cover up a whimper, and Alina came back to his Audi with Ana.

 

*~*~*

 

Ana had gone to bed a little while ago, Alina liked to make sure she got plenty of sleep.

 

Alina collapsed into the hotel bed, now in her pajamas and sighed. It had been a long day and she was ready to go to bed.

 

Ivan curled an arm around her shoulders, “You alright?”

 

She sighed, “I don’t think I realized how much I’d missed you.”

 

Ivan looked a little lost for words, “do you remember…the night before graduation?”

 

“How could I forget?”

 

It had been a beautiful, clear night and Ivan and she had been making the most of it. They were on the balcony of Ivan’s new apartment and they had sex at least three times before getting tired and had gotten a bottle of champagne.

 

That was the first time they’d had sex, and it had been utterly perfect. And it stirred something in her, a light that had long gone out.

 

“You look like you’re a thousand miles away,” Ivan said, breaking her from her memories.

 

“I was,” Alina said and curled into his chest.

 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Ivan’s voice was raw with emotion and need.

 

“Do it then,” Alina said and cupped his cheek.

 

The kiss was… tender. Like he was afraid of breaking her more than she’d already been broken. Her hands went to his chest and not for the first time she was extremely happy they had a large suite and no one would hear her keening noises.

 

Ivan slipped his tongue into her mouth and she felt something in her ignite. She gently straddled him, she knew if she took things too fast he would ask her if she was ok and she wasn’t. But she needed him.

 

Ivan put his hands on her hips, and in a surprising turn of events, ground her hips down on him. She moaned into his mouth.

 

She needed to know, right now, if he was just sex deprived or if he actually wanted her, “I-Ivan,” she said shakily because this was the world, this was everything, “Do you actually want me? Or… had it just been that long?”

 

Ivan laughed lightly, “you think I’d make a move on you because… I was… desperate?” Ivan smiled sadly, “there’s been plenty of one night stands, but one after you. So, no, I’m not sex deprived but I am desperately deprived of love.”

 

Alina sighed and felt her heart shatter, why had she not stood her ground? Why hadn’t she broken things off with Mal? Where was her common sense!

 

She got off him and climbed out of bed, “I’m scared, I don’t want to break your heart again. It’s something I’m apparently a little too good at.” She anxiously wrung the hem of her nightgown in her hands, “I’m going to go sleep on the couch.”

 

“Absolutely not, you take the bed,” Ivan said, no hint of anger in his voice.

 

“I don’t-“ but he was already climbing off the bed and leaving it for her.

 

Before he left though, he said to her, “I will make it my goal for you to believe you deserve to love again.”

 

Alina rolled onto the bed and once Ivan was out of earshot, let a sob tear from her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/Kudos whatever, it's all good!

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed <3


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